Curses

Someone recently asked Dan if he was cursed. There are the obvious recent events. Then, there's getting home from Grenada. The earliest ticket we had found was December 19, a full week after classes ended. There is only one American Airlines flight out of Grenada per day, so not a whole lot of weather flexibility. Of course, it was that day the meteorologists predicted the arrival of what they liked to call a blizzard. We kept Dan posted about various timing updates and kept our fingers crossed. He dashed through the Miami airport as quick as humanly possible to see if he could squeeze onto an earlier flight to anywhere in NYC to try to beat the snow here. He called to tell us which flight he was on just as the snow began to fall here. He arrived before the highest snowfall rate, but there was still a bit more than an inch already on the ground. Once back on Staten Island, he got to drive the remainder of the way home, despite it being quite some time since he's driven on snow. By morning, there were 10 in of blowing, yet heavy snow to shovel out of the walk and driveway. His luggage would arrive three days later.

In the grand scheme, I'm thinking no curse present here. It has been a rough November, but things should get smoother from here on. His travel wasn't necessarily fun, but he actually made it home in time for a late dinner. Penny was so excited she couldn't go to sleep until really late. She's been having a blast and a half with Daddy throughout this little respite. The time without Dan's luggage wasn't a big loss because he knew it was a risk and packed accordingly. What's he going to do with shorts and t-shirts anyway? Holidays are a little cramped here since we have a lot of stuff in storage, so having time to sort through and make room for suitcases was helpful. His time in Grenada has taught him that he really doesn't enjoy hot weather all the time, so the white Christmas action was actually pretty welcome.

In my book, the biggest advantage of all the time apart is that the talk of any additional time apart has been nixed entirely. Apparently, Penny is just too cute to be apart from for any length of time. We'll see how bad a commute Dan's clinical assignment will be. He's got a tentative assignment that sounds pretty good so far, but that won't be firmed up until May or June. So keep your prayers going for a good assignment there (and the good test score for Dan to qualify for good assignments).

Penny and I will be headed back to Ohio for a couple of weeks in January before returning to NYC for the remainder of the pregnancy. I'm looking forward to not having to deal with airport security for a little while, especially when there are dumb people out there increasing the security measures by pulling stupid terrorist stuff. Those TSA people may qualify as cursed because of all the crazy things they have to watch out for. For those of you who haven't flown recently, read all the crazy regulations, it's good for a laugh (or cry).

Hope you have a wonderful new year and safe travels in it!

Getting Ready for the Holidays

Penny and I are on the road once more. Our new location for holiday excitement and fun is New York. We're still waiting for Dan to join us, but looking forward to scenes like the one at left. I lucked out with our flight here, there was an empty seat next to me on the flight. I don't think it would have been fun to fly even the 90 minutes with two kids in and on my lap.

Life is a little more relaxed here, which is nice for now. I get to actually spend some time hanging out with Penny. Penny also gets to spend some time hanging out with her other grandma. Our early flight made the first few days a little hairy as Penny readjusted her sleep schedule. This gave Grandma some serious worries about Penny's eating and sleeping, but she seems to be getting back to normal now. It's REALLY weird being here and getting asked what I'd like to cook. I've never cooked here before - it's like the awesomest restaurant ever with a spiffy blend of Italian and Indian entrees, desserts and snacks. Now...if there was only a way to cut back on the offers to fatten me up.

Just a few more days until our little family is reunited for a bit. Yay!! Merry Christmas to us.

Thank Goodness November Is Over!

As you can imagine from the nearly complete lack of blogs in November, things have been pretty busy here in Ohio. Dan visited us in that first week of November in between his dad's death and funeral. We didn't make it up there for the events because we were taking care of my mom, which was getting increasingly intense. Dan was home for one of the four days we took care of Mom without any nursing help. Luckily, it only took that long for the hospice folks to realize we needed a little extra help since I had no business doing the heavy lifting and lack of sleep that was getting more and more necessary.

On Sunday, November 22 Penny and I went to a concert with Aunt Helen over at the Dayton Art Institute. It was lots of fun - a little chamber music, string quartet, etc. Sadly, we listened to much of it through the auditorium doors because Penny decided to be ravenous after the first song. We went home and had some dinner, then Amanda played with Penny a bit while I helped Mom get cleaned. Unfortunately, it quickly became apparent that she was having problems we couldn't really deal with at home, so we called hospice and by 9:00 p.m. or so they had checked her back into the inpatient unit. When Penny and I went to visit Mom the next morning, the first thing the nurse said was that we had made the right choice by bringing her in - she had had a rough night and they were still working on a plan to get her comfortable. At 11am or so, right when Penny was starting to fall asleep in the comfy chair, the nurse came in to do a procedure she hoped would help relieve some of Mom's pain. Penny and I gladly stepped out to grab some lunch and go hang out with Aunt Helen and little John over at Aunt Rose's house.

I really wanted to talk to a doctor about Mom's condition at that point, but knew it could be quite a wait. So I left Penny with Aunt Helen and headed back to hospice. When I arrived, the nurse flagged me down and apologized profusely. Mom had died while we were out and none of our contact numbers appeared to work (they tried calling Mom's house and we obviously weren't home, Amanda's cell died a few days prior). The nurse said the procedure went really well and Mom was wonderfully relaxed and peaceful afterward. Mom hadn't been comfy in days, so this was a real relief for me. A little while later, a nurse had checked on Mom and found she was no longer breathing, so she had just let go peacefully in her sleep and I couldn't really ask for better in my mind. I called Amanda while the nurses cleaned Mom up and she got a ride over from her boss. I called my grandparents and they came right over. My grandfather (who is also a deacon) said a short prayer service with her right then and there. Then we called Mom's friend Rachel Ann and she came over with her son the mortician to see Mom and take her to get ready for her funeral. Mom had planned everything out right down to flowers she wanted, so all we really had to do was pick a date and some prayer cards when the time came. The date sucked - Black Friday - but there wasn't much way around it if John was going to be able to attend and we were to have a memorial service with a priest for her. It went really well all in all and everyone had a time to reminisce, lean on each other and have some tasty lasagna and cheesecake.

Vita's memorial tree at Girl Scout camp, From Sandy's Island Life

Then the real fun began - what does it mean to be an executrix for an estate? It means ridiculous paperwork and filtering through everything having to do with my Mom for the next 6 months to a year as I understand it. I started trying to figure out what I need to do (sadly, it took me a whole week to realize a paper book might be better than cruising the Net for info). I've got some things in hand, but am still trying to figure out the will filing process - made tougher by the probate court not wanting to provide any advice on the subject. We'll get there eventually, though. For now, I've made some progress figuring out Mom's assets and how they're supposed to distribute themselves upon death, I found the will and now just have to figure out how to file it and proceed from there. Family has recommended a number of good probate lawyers, whom we might have to consult. Though I think her estate is ultimately small enough that it wouldn't go to probate court or anything. We'll see.

Meanwhile, we're also at the half-way point for Passenger #2. Look at that cute little face! She (December is a girl month) has been kicking up a storm for almost a month now. No little swirly sensations for her...straight into kicks. There were five billion measurements taken during this sonogram (seemed like tons more than in England) and all seemed to look good. There was even a cool button to push to see blood flow through the heart, cord and placenta!! She is supposedly 11oz or so in there, right on target for 20 weeks. So despite concerns about my eating habits, Passenger #2 appears to be getting plenty to eat in there. Thankfully, though, the hunger pains have abated a bit so I'm only eating four meals a day and two snacks and generally feeling good. And...I apparently have an iron stomach. Both Mandy and the nurses had to get some air when taking care of Mom, but I rarely had to engage in such stomach-settling activities. Go Passenger #2 for helping Mommy do her job!

Now it's just a week until Penny and I head to NYC to act as the prep team for Dan's return to the U.S. There's plenty to do before we head out - second dose of flu shots and one year checkup for Penny, actually file the will, strategic packing, maybe talking to a probate lawyer and eating all the food Amanda won't once we're gone (includes ice cream, beets, frozen yogurt, mushrooms, fish and spaghetti). If anyone knows any recipes that might knock out multiple items on that list, we're open to suggestions. We'll be back in January for a few more doctor appointments, probably some probate stuff and maybe even further steps in the process. We'll see how that shakes out. It's not allowed to take TOO long because I need to get back to NYC to have the baby (and there's Medicaid, WIC, etc. to apply for when we settle in there). Not too much more traveling for us after that, though, as it gets a lot tougher to fly with Penny as a lap child as my lap disappears. Thanks for all your support and prayers as we continue on this exciting adventure. I'll try to do better to keep you posted on what we're up to.

Birthday fun

Penny's birthday was a festival of fun that lasted nearly a week. On Tuesday (her actual birthday), she enjoyed a lovely dinner of mac and cheese. Note her fondness for broccoli! Yay! The crisis care nurse for the day said that a birthday cake at age one is an absolute MUST and as such, brought a Cookie Monster cupcake for Penny to enjoy. As you can see, the cupcake was tons of fun. Penny sang as she painted with the icing. For the remaining week, I was cleaning little flecks of blue from the floor, walls, appliances behind her chair, carpet in the next room, etc. Advice for all the one-year-olds-to-be out there -- plan on a splash zone. Oh, and don't include a glass of milk until after icing is out of the way.

On Thursday, Penny celebrated her one year status by getting her first of many immunizations (H1N1 flu). She was a real trooper for the whole 2.5 hour wait outdoors in a line that wrapped around the Univ. of Dayton Arena parking lot (the lot, not the arena).

Then I made tons of desserts and fun "This Is Your Life" style signs for Penny's birthday party on Sunday. Though the big guest of honor (Daddy) had to detour to NYC to be with his ailing father, Penny still had a good time playing with her cousins and discovering that edible paper can also be used to conceal exciting things like books and clothes. Here is Aunt Marian with the three little ones (Penny, John and Indio) enthralled.

On Monday, Dan's father passed away when he was removed from the ventilator. Dan said it was a peaceful departure and what his father would have wanted. Since Dan's time in America is limited, he came to visit Penny and I on Monday night and headed back to NYC on Wednesday so he could attend the funeral on Thursday. Dan's visit was brief, but he really enjoyed his time playing with Penny.

Dan's visit to Ohio happened at the same time we were being weaned off the 24-hour crisis care nurses. Amanda and I are the only ones allowed to administer the IV meds, which can take as much as 30 minutes to prepare and give to Mom. So Dan helped keep an eye on Penny while I did more of Mom's care and ran an errand or two. It has been a little rough without the nurses here checking in on Mom on a regular basis. Mom hates to be a nuisance, so tries to do things herself, which sometimes leads to more complications, especially at night. We have nursing assistants visit us twice a day to help with big tasks like bathing and changing sheets. With a little more help, we should be able to keep Mom at home for a bit longer. She is starting to ask where she is, so I'm guessing that soon it won't matter to her where she is being taken care of as long as the care is good and caring. We appreciate all your prayers and support as we continue on this arduous journey.

Sandy Surfaces

Eek! It has been way too long since my last blog. Part of my excuse is the busy-ness of heading to hospice each day. Part of it has actually been that my mom has been home for the past week. I'd like to start this blog by noting how wonderful nurses are - compassionate, helpful, decent listeners (at least most of the ones I've met). Somewhere out there, there is someone I'd like to rip a new one for, but it is not the nurses who have been helping us through all this.

So...two Saturdays ago, my sister Amanda got a call saying they'd like to send my mom home. On Monday, I talked to her hospice doctor to ask what he thought would be involved in her being home. He said she was too weak, needed her symptoms to be managed better, etc. so she wouldn't be going home on his watch. Tuesday morning, I got a prison break call from Mom saying that I needed to get down there immediately to review paperwork etc. because she was going home Wednesday. This not being her first prison break phone call (medications seem to confuse things - one sometimes hears what one wants to and not what is said), I called and spoke to her doctor. I figured it must be a different doctor. Not so...same doctor, new outlook on Mom being sent home. I couldn't come Tuesday to review things and I wanted time to set things up, so I said checking out on Thursday would be better after my appointment at WIC. I went to hospice on Wednesday to talk with the nurse about appliances we'd need and how much work would be involved in Mom coming home. We ordered the necessary furniture to be delivered and I told her I'd be back after my Thursday appointment to review medications and all that fun stuff.

On Thursday, my appointment at WIC was a three hour nightmare - no food or drink in a waiting room full of pregnant chicks and children, whose brainstorm was that? Finally at 4pm we got in the car and headed to hospice to pick up Mom. For some reason, though, my phone kept ringing. I'm horrible at answering the phone while driving, so I ignored it. I was within a few blocks of hospice when I figured it had to be some kind of emergency if Mandy was calling me repeatedly, so I pulled over and answered. Apparently, Mom was at the house in an ambulance wondering where I was. She had been sent home without me. When I spoke to Mom's nurse earlier that morning, she asked again whether I would be picking my mom up. Mom's medications had been ordered at the only CVS that carries IV meds, but I would need to take the prescription sheets to the pharmacy in order for them to hand over the meds. I assured her I would be there to pick those sheets up and get the medications. So...I asked Amanda if Mom's meds were sent home with her since the hospice is a LOT closer to the CVS than our house is. Mandy said Mom was sent home with tons of supplies, including a shopping bag full of syringes and fluids and stuff. So I headed home.

When I arrived home, Mom was sitting in the living room waiting for her dinner time medications. I think I handed the ravenous Penny over to Amanda to give her some snacks while I searched the bags for Mom's meds. Lots of empty syringes, alcohol wipes, etc., but no meds. I checked the red coming home folder - aha! prescription sheets and a map to the CVS on the opposite side of town. I couldn't fathom packing Penny up again without feeding her (now five hours without real food), so sent Amanda on the medi-quest. I saddled Penny up for dinner, assessed the supplies we DID have and had a little something to eat myself. Somewhere in there, I realized I didn't have a sharps bin to put all these pokey needles in, so I called Amanda to request that she ask for one at the pharmacy. The phone in the living room began to vibrate - of course, she had forgotten her cell. Luckily, the pharmacy called the house just a few minutes later. She had dropped off the prescriptions and the pharmacist told her to come back in 30 minutes. Sadly, the pharmacist hadn't examined the prescriptions and only noticed that they were for IV meds after Amanda left to occupy herself for 30 minutes. It was the wrong CVS - they didn't carry IV meds, though they did have just one sharps bin for sale. Two hours later (thank you, rush hour traffic), Mandy returned from the pharmacy, having stopped at several pharmacies in her search for the meds. Her quest was only partially successful as well, the drug store was out of heparin and she'd have to drive back (one hour without traffic) to get that later.

Well, it was getting close to 8pm, the time for Mom's next round of meds. I sat down with the sack full of liquid excitement and began to read the various warnings and instructions. I recalled one of Mom's meds I trained on requiring refrigeration, so I wanted to get that put away ASAP. After 30 minutes of unsuccessful reading, though, I re-prioritized and began work on preparing her 9pm medications. I got out all the supplies sent home with her and the appropriate teeny phials of fluid. I needed to dilute 0.2 mL of medicine into the pre-filled 10mL syringe of saline. "Ok, so I'll need my pre-filled saline syringe and a teeny measuring one. Huh, looks like all the syringes in the package are 10 mL. I suppose I could suck out 1mL, dilute it in 9mL, then only inject 1mL. Wasteful, imprecise and a little risky. I think that would assume far more knowledge and precision than the nurses would allow the average family member. Something is seriously wrong with these supplies." This lovely experience, coupled with Mom falling out of her chair and bonking her head (but not letting me help her up for fear of injuring me) led to what you can imagine was a somewhat frantic call to hospice requesting that we either get more supplies and/or check Mom back into hospice. After a 30 minute wait to hear back from someone who could help us, I called again and this time received an immediate, "The on-call nurse needs to come down to hospice to pick up the supplies you need, then she'll be right over."

At last, the nurse arrived with a giant sack full of everything she could think of having to do with IVs or IV meds. I was able to put together Mom's medications and finally relieve some of her horrible nausea. We got her into the lovely hospital bed since the medications often make her confused and uncoordinated. As I sat down to inject the meds into her port on her arm, I noticed that the port was not compatible with my syringe - the attachment the syringe hooks onto was missing entirely! Luckily, the nurse had brought a pack of those as well. Yay! Mom got her relief and settled down to sleep. I sat down for a few moments with the nurse to assess our supplies and discovered that between what she brought and what we had, we really didn't have enough to last us for more than a day. We knew more medications were on order, but not when they'd arrive or what they'd be (if more of the same, then likely pretty useless). We made a list of what we needed and were pleased to learn we'd have a new nurse spending the night with us and she'd be able to bring some additional supplies. Yay! The critical care nurse brought several helpful handfuls of things, but really just what was quick to hand in the supply closet.

Each shift change, the new nurse would be asked to bring a fresh batch of things we'd run out of. Many of them got grumbles and uneasy questions because the folks at dispatch just couldn't understand why we were running through supplies so quickly. We sat down on Saturday with the on-call case manager, who listened to how I had been taught to administer meds, compared that with our prescription sheet and noted that there were inconsistencies in the way the prescription sheet was written. The sheet was written as if we were pushing meds into the IV itself, when in fact the IV fluid prevents us from doing so and we must inject fluids into another port. This means we have to use lots of saline to flush every time we give meds. However, saline wasn't prescribed and we would just keep running out because the folks sending things were looking at our prescription sheet. She then came the next day and reviewed each step in our process to assess whether we really needed to use as many supplies as we did. For example, she found that we didn't need to use as much saline to dilute most of Mom's meds. She also told us we could conserve our puny sharps bins by taking needles off the syringes and just throwing those away (with syringes attached, we'd fill a sharp bin in two medication rounds). She also checked when and what would be shipped to us (meds only on Monday).

I don't think we would have made it through the weekend without all the help of our dedicated nurses. We had crisis care nurses staying with us 24 hours, doing everything with Mom except administering medications. They also helped from time to time with watching Penny while I tried to maintain some semblence of sanity and cleanliness around the house. They did their best to clarify any questions we had and jumped through all kinds of hoops to get the supplies we needed to keep Mom comfortable. When it looked like we finally had the medications under control, we talked about stopping the critical care nurse visits. Mom's health seemed to decline that night, though, and the nurses just kept coming. The nurses are still staying with us 24 hours a day, now working on making sure Mom's medications are properly balanced to provide her the relief she needs. I'm not sure how long they'll keep coming, but they've been awesome. My family has also been really great about stepping in, coming over and just letting me nap periodically. Being the only one home who can administer meds and Mom needing more because of her increasing pain and nausea, there are times where I spend almost every 2-3 hours giving meds, leaving little time for rest. So the occasional 2-3 hour visitor who can just watch Penny while I sleep has been wonderful.

Speaking of which, I should give Mom her bedtime meds and head to bed. I'll try not to go so long between blogs, but no promises. Thanks for all your prayers and support. They are needed and appreciated.

Giving Thanks

In honor of Thanksgiving (did you know yesterday was Thanksgiving for Canadians?), we thought we'd share something we're really thankful for. I just had my 13 week checkup today and it looks like our newest little passenger is doing great with a heartbeat somewhere around 160/minute. This is an old photo - only 9 weeks old. I was pretty worried about all the travel and stress, but she's growing nicely. She seems to have a voracious appetite, though, which means I have to lug around a profound number of snacks for Penny and me when we're on the road to hospice, doctor appointments or other errands.

Now, before you even ask, the sonogram was at 9 weeks, so we don't actually know whether it's a boy or girl. However, October is a girl month. I'm not sure how much Penny understands, but I've been telling her about her little sister and showing her pictures of what's going on inside mommy's tummy. She always gets really excited when she sees the pictures, so I think she'll really enjoy having a younger sibling. They are already interacting a bit - if you can call standing on my lap and/or kicking me at every opportunity interacting. I try to get as much floor time with Penny as possible since I'm guessing floor time will become less and less frequent as passenger #2 increases in size.

We are also having fun exploring the wonderful world of Medicaid and WIC. I am proud to say we've already managed a temporary approval for Medicaid good through November as they review my paperwork (it's not fun paperwork and I consider this an accomplishment). Our next task is to tackle the WIC application. What one might think is the horrible task - finding a doctor who takes Medicaid - was actually pretty easy. Mom worked for a pro-life book distributor, which happens to have ties to a medical practice/education place that helps people have babies when they might not be able to afford to do so otherwise. So they were an easy choice. Plus, they provide classes, a low cost store where you get credit to shop there by attending the free parenting classes, spiritual support and classes (my doctor prayed with me at the end of my appointment), just all kinds of nice stuff.

The most entertaining part is that the practice is in the neighborhood where I grew up and generally has ties with all the families I grew up around. Ever feel like a salmon? The doctor married into the family of my mom's Avon lady, for example, and knew exactly who my mom was as soon as I said her name. I wasn't sure exactly how long I could see folks at the practice before word leaked to my family. Dan reminds me of HIPPA, but it doesn't take long to put two and two together with even a tiny leak. EVERYONE in Dayton seems to know a member of my family, so once the maiden name is out, it's all over. Thankfully, though, we've finally made it to the magic second trimester where I can rest a little easier about the passenger's security in there and feel better about telling people the news. Yay!

In other news, Mom is still in hospice. She's doing pretty well in the grand scheme, but still having trouble keeping her food down. I'm pretty proud of my new-found skills administering IV medications, but still need some practice before they'll release her to my tender mercies. If you're wondering whether there are risks to the passenger, the hospice staff have known about my pregnancy longer than anyone and assure me there aren't any risks (though I'll be extra careful all the same). Keep your prayers going for Mom; she's eager to come home...just a little bit of a wait left.

Curiouser and Curiouser

Penny has been enjoying her time back in Ohio, getting to know the various wondrous plants and animals she missed in her February visit. The hospice is surrounded by some beautiful grounds, where Penny has fun peeking out the picture window at the chipmunks, geese, squirrels and other fun friends.

Of course, Penny also likes meeting the six-legged friends that live even closer to home. We had been watching a lovely caterpillar clad in yellow, white and black stripes (monarch most likely). He seemed to disappear a short while ago, along with all the leaves from the Virginia Creeper vine under the window. Today, I spotted a little green chrysalis hiding behind our trash can, so perhaps we'll see him again in a different form soon. Penny was fascinated by the preying mantis in the picture and he narrowly missed being grabbed on several occasions.

Then there's this strange creature, Aunt Amanda. Aunt Amanda is tons of fun -great for hanging one upside-down from one's ankles, tickle fights, and screaming contests. It is Aunt Amanda's goal to teach Penny as many bad habits as humanly possible, so she can get Penny thoroughly riled up and then hand her off to me. When Aunt Amanda isn't at work or catching up on sleep, she's often found egging on Penny in her constant pursuit of trouble.

Weather is one of those things you really take for granted on a daily basis. I grew up in the midwest, so I'm used to having four distinct seasons, some occasional rough weather and definite presence of both sun and cloudy days. Moving abroad has really taught me how different climates can make a difference in how you feel on a daily basis. For example, we just spent a whole year in northern England. It was like being stuck in the less pleasant part of fall for an entire year - wet, perpetually cloudy, pretty chilly, no powerful storms because the clouds don't have enough energy to bother, grass is green, but there's no promise of flowers because it's too cold. Then there was the occasional really cold day where I couldn't put on enough socks to keep warm no matter what. (This is one of my sister's vacation pics, btw, since I'm too lazy to hook up my laptop and search out pics of gloominess.) Dan especially is weather-affective, so the somewhat gloomy weather led to sluggishness, gloomy mood on occasion, etc. Me, I think my saving grace was pregnancy hormones because I got complaints about being too cheerful. I figured the sun came out at least once a day and I was having a good time in a foreign country, so what did I have to complain about.

There are usually four or five days every summer in Ohio where it is absolutely unbearably hot. I spent a couple of summers working the largest pow-wow East of the Mississippi and sadly, it always seemed to be scheduled right during those days. It's brutally hot and humid - D.C. had similar days, but they seemed to stretch from June to August when I was helping out with various day camps all over the place. Living in Grenada was like reliving those events on a daily basis. The respectable-sized clouds always moved so fast that each day seemed to consist of mostly sun. Yet it did rain at least weakly on about a daily basis, leading to incredible humidity. Penny and I did some walking, but only in the hour or two around sunrise and sunset because the rest of the day was just too brutal to move and I burn too easily to risk tropical sun. To give you an idea of sun intensity...my mom gave me one of those shirts that change color in sunlight. Here in Ohio, I stand in direct sunlight and the butterflies become a nice array of pastels. I went out on the shade of the patio in Grenada and they'd turn a richer hue of pinks, lavendars, yellows and oranges. The US EPA issues daily forecasts of UV radiation on a scale of 1-11. When I checked forecasts for Grenada, the UV usually ranged from 7 - 14. So even though people must have thought I was crazy, Penny and I always wore long sleeves on our walks to prevent burns. I don't deal very well with heat or being cooped up, so I found the weather in Grenada to be a bit oppressive and limiting, maybe a bit more so than in England.

Now I'm back home and reveling in the familiar weather. The leaves are starting to change color already. Our walk home from church even has some sections with that rustly shuffle through piles of leaves (buckeyes and walnuts shed early). It's amazingly cool, too. This week the forecast ranges between lows in the 40s and highs in the 60s (that's 4C to 16C or so). I had a few clothes in storage here in Ohio, but I do have to do a fair amount of recycling and laundry to keep up. There were some huge church sales of baby items recently, so I stocked up on sleepsuits and sweaters for Penny. She does seem a little annoyed to be wearing clothes all the time now, but she doesn't actively try to remove them too often. I think she realizes they are helping her stay warm. Everyone keeps asking if I'm cold - maybe I'm the only crazy one around town wearing shorts and t-shirts still - but I'm just reveling in the not sweating to death. It's sunny most of the time, so there's sunny spots to hang out in and my mom has an infinite supply of hospital socks I can borrow since my feet are the only part that consistently gets cold. So for now, the weather has me in a pretty good mood.

Home again, home again...

Thursday, 17 September was my mom's 60th birthday. When I was getting updates back in Grenada, I was actually pretty worried my mom wouldn't get to celebrate this exciting milestone. But here she is celebrating not only her big birthday, but her last day in hospice before returning home. It was an exciting day.

She had a bilingual serenade from former co-workers, Lily and Daniel, and their two daughters. Later, a parade of nurses brought in flowers and more than 60 balloons. Mom slaughtered Amanda and I at a game of Golf (cards, not 18 holes). The nurses also provided cake enough to share. Then there were calls galore and a couple of other visitors in the evening.

On Friday, the 18th, we brought Mom home. She was pretty exhausted from the prior day's festivities, so the first thing she enjoyed was sleeping in her own bed. She's actually doing pretty well in the grand scheme - takes care of herself for the most part, eats a variety of things, plays with Penny when energy allows, etc. So Mom got to spend her first Grandparent's Day (September 19) enjoying watching Penny play with Amanda and try to eat her reflection in the mylar balloons.

Afraid I have to go. Penny is currently removing every item from the desk and tossing it on the floor. Talk to you later!!

Hospice Fun

So Mom has been hanging out in the hospice for a week now. She has been eating all kinds of exciting sandwiches and other odds and ends, which is a huge improvement compared to a white IV bag. As always, Penny is doing her part to make the stay a pleasant one for Mom (and everyone else who happens within smiling distance). Here is Mom with Aunt Corrine while Penny litters the floor with little Goldfish snacks. The cleaning staff likely LOVES Penny. Note: My mom HATES having her picture taken these days. However, she was looking pretty good in this one and you're not going to tell, right?

It's a little bit selfish, but I've really been enjoying the opportunity to see all the family I haven't seen in forever. In the background you can see Allison, who just had the cutie in the foreground, little Brennan, and moved to Spain. Allie started her blog as "Tales of a Lonely Army Wife" several years ago, so she has a lot of sympathy for me and Penny here without Dan. Janine is Allie's sister and I can't even remember when the last time I saw her was! She flew up from Florida, then drove the 5 hours to Dayton with Michelle, Jennifer, Allie and Brennan so that they could play Beatles Rock Star on the Wii for my mom. My mom is a HUGE Beatles fan. I'm looking forward to seeing who else will stop by in the weeks ahead.

Life isn't all trips to hospice, though. Penny, Amanda and I went on a picnic Sunday with the Salukes (my maiden name). Here is Penny playing with my cousin John. He's just two months younger than Penny and having fun previewing all the cool trouble he'll be able to get into soon. Penny has been giving him pointers on crawling, eating in a stroller, and having fun kicking adults.

Lastly, I thought I'd share a picture of Penny with her new best friend. She got really close with Puppy here when my mom was in the hospital. There wasn't really anywhere to crawl in Mom's hospital room, so my aunts often took Penny out of the room. She, of course, bawled her little eyes out for most of the time. To cheer her up, the nurses gave her this little stuffed puppy with a bandana bearing the hospital's logo. Since we visited for multiple days, Penny may have accidentally picked up more than one puppy. But, if Puppy is going to be her toy she can't live without, I understand it is important to have multiple copies. I seem to recall a story about my favorite plastic-headed stuffed doll who suffered a "head injury," and the frantic search for a replacement. Keep Penny in your prayers as I believe she has acquired her first cold. She woke every hour last night, slept little today and has an impressively runny nose. Speaking of which, I should get to bed so I don't suffer the same fate.

Discharge

Mom has been in the hospital for two Fridays now. There have been some ugly days and some better days. Her doctor has switched from trying to cure her cancer to trying to make her as comfy as possible. When she checked in, he had considered a number of procedures to help make her comfortable, but she was looking so weak that those procedures kept being postponed. She had tons of tubes, pain meds and more. Then they removed the tube in her nose a couple of days ago and she perked right up. She was looking great yesterday and today. Though many people visited her, she tried to keep visits short because she was doing well and wanted to give us a bit of rest for what lies ahead. She is always thinking of us first!

Mom felt so good today that the doctor decided to discharge her to the hospice. No nasty procedures or operations, I noticed no morphine bag on her, AND she's allowed to start eating food again (she appeared to still have the IV food, but maybe they'll wean her off of that if she's doing well). The hospice looks very swanky and homey. She's got her own room overlooking a pond and one of the volunteers there is a long-time Girl Scout friend. The nurses seem pretty attentive as well, which is key. Of course, nurses always seem very attentive when Penny pays a visit. She's almost as effective as a well-timed box of doughnuts for nurses.

Some of our initial wave of caregivers is starting to head home. John had to leave yesterday so he could get back to school. All six of mom's siblings are in town today (looks like Aunt Barbara took the picture), but Uncle Jerry will head out tomorrow. Some of her sisters might take a brief break home since they've been here for more than a week and they can re-deploy quickly because they live in-state. Mandy put me on her car insurance so I should be able to get around a bit on my own, which is nice. It'll be weird being behind the wheel again, though, after a year and a half abroad. I keep expecting the driver to turn onto the left side of the road - an effect of living in countries that drive on the left, I guess. I'm not sure if I'll have that same sensation in the driver's seat. Fortunately, my arm has full range of motion and some of its strength back, so I think that shouldn't be a barrier to returning to the driver's seat. I'm just glad to be in Dayton, where the drivers are friendly enough for the transition back behind the wheel to be a slow and pleasant one.

Even though hospice sounds like bad news because it is associated with end of life care, it is actually good news for today. It means Mom is done with surgeries and painful procedures. Also, if she's doing REALLY well, the hospice folks will assess mom's state of health, home, caregiver capabilities and consider whether she can return home for a bit and what hardware, training, etc. are necessary to ensure her comfort and safety at home. I'm a little nervous about homecare, but we'd get to see more of her and she isn't especially fond of hospital settings. But that's a bridge to cross later. For now, we're excited that she's feeling well, enjoying her lovely view and getting some quality play time with Penny.

Headed Home

Just a quick note that I will be overseas no more. My mom's condition has gotten worse and Penny and I will catch a flight today to Ohio. Whew, last minute changes are brutally expensive! My family is awesome, though, and has done a wonderful fund-raising job to help cover the expense. Plus a note from the Dr. should allow us to get $300 worth of change fees refunded. The folks at American Airlines were nice enough to price check every airport in NYC and Ohio for several days to determine the best price without having to wait too long. In any case, we get a mere one layover, which is long enough for us to exit airport, catch a nap, decent food, maybe wash and reload bottles, etc. It'll be a long day, but it's the being trapped in airports that annoys me most so I'm remarkably happy about the 6am-1am schedule.

In any case, we'll be stateside a lot sooner than expected and may see many of you sooner as well. Keep my mom and family in your prayers.

Being on the Board

Here in Grenada, they have an organization that helps to plan events, share advice and generally make life a bit easier for the spouses, kids and other folks who tag along with the medical students, faculty and other folks associated with SGU. It's a great resource as you're trying to figure out what it is actually like to live in Grenada, what things to expect to find here, what to do with your time, etc. Since I had arrived in February, I had a bit of a hard time getting to know people. The SO events helped me meet people and get out to explore the island a bit, which was really nice. This is Maria helping with a health fair on the island, for example. When the end of the term rolled around and they started looking for people to be on the board, though, I figured I didn't have much chance in the election because I didn't really know that many people. So...I didn't run.

Lo and behold, though, I got a second chance! While we were home, I heard they were looking for additional board members to help with event planning. It seemed right up my alley, so I asked former board folks how much time commitment was involved and eventually figured it was a way I could make a difference for the families here in Grenada. We've got an enthusiastic group of people with lots of great event ideas, so it is exciting to think what we could accomplish this term. At the same time, there are some entertaining challenges to event planning in Grenada.

For example, any organization that plans events HAS to have someplace to store their stuff. Here, it's a little uncooled shed on the satellite campus. Back home that probably wouldn't be a problem, but apparently with the heat around here it is possible for soda to spontaneously explode. Thus ended a cooler in our storage shed and the sodas the last termers thought we might find useful. Luckily, the crayons in there must be made for the tropics because they are completely unmelted and worked great as entertainment for kids at the opening social. I was also in charge of supplying bubbles. I went to the store - no bubble solution, no bubble wands, no pipecleaners, no glycerin to strengthen bubbles - it was a bit more challenging than I envisioned. However, I did get some dish soap, bowls, zip tie wands and corn syrup from a neighbor and ta-da, bubbles for dozens of happy kids (and adults).

I have ideas for a couple more events, but I have to re-examine them in light of this experience from the opening social. I think they could work, but I'll need to plan carefully where we'll get everything. But how could you pass up the opportunity to celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day when we live in the Caribbean? Really!?

In other news, Penny is getting along nicely with her new teeth. She now has six poking out and she uses them adeptly to bite into cucumbers, cereal and any number of other items. Her favorite finger food so far is cheesy chicken macaroni with tomatoes and carrots. It's a little improvised, but she eats it and that's the key. She stood on her own the other day, but doesn't quite seem interested in walking just yet. It's tough keeping her entertained all day and often involves taking one or more field trips.

Also, please keep my mom in your prayers. She's in the hospital again, which is no fun in general. This cancer is tough on her physically and emotionally. It's no picnic for Amanda, either, so she could use a prayer or two as well.

Reminders of Camping

Our life here on the island is remarkably similar to home. However, there are a few elements that remind me a lot of camping. Now that the rainy season has gotten underway in earnest, there are LOTS of mosquitoes. They are there all the time, but there is a certain hour just at twilight when you are guaranteed to either walk away with twenty new red spots or wake up with them because the little stinkers followed you into the house. Remarkably, we did not return to Grenada to find that what little food remained in our cupboards had been carted away by ants. They have actually been keeping a very low profile, though the occasional scout is squicked on the countertop and left as a lesson to others foolish enough to follow. Perhaps there is so much food growing outside now that they don't have to bother with the artificially sweetened silliness that we seem to like eating.

Then there are the interesting dwellings around here. The lovely structures to the right sprouted while we were gone in July and look almost finished by Grenadian standards. They are of the quality of homes in Grenada (in any neighborhood where actual Grenadians live), but because of their proximity to school, we're thinking perhaps they might be destined to be some kind of produce stands or something. For all we know, though, they could be efficiency apartments. The funny thing is that the structures look almost identical to glen shelters - they are just missing the screened windows (to keep out bats) and shower curtain drapes to keep out everything else.

This beautiful little guy also reminds me of camp. I just love the color (totally didn't touch him in photo editing software). Once upon a time, back when I was a Junior Girl Scout, I think, we were camping maybe at Camp Mac-O-Chee when we had a cicada year. For those of you unfamiliar with a cicada year, it may help to know that a lot of people also call cicadas locusts because at times they appear in quantities of Biblical proportions. It's a misnomer, though, because locusts are actually specialized grasshoppers with jaws for eating everything in sight; cicadas have soda-straw mouths that are used to suck tree sap. In any case, we were camping at peak cicada year time - there were cicadas in the water troughs in various states of shedding skin, there were cicadas crunching under our feet as we walked, it was sunny and raining in the woods as the cicadas peed out the tree sap, the cicadas were buzzing so loud you had that after-concert-ringing sensation as you drove away from camp. People had heard that cicadas sting (they don't) and bite (they don't), so they were huddled in the lodges or hiding in their tents trying desperately to avoid the invasion. Me, I took a little extra care because I wasn't sure the rumors were false, but generally discovered the cicadas didn't attack and was able to travel throughout camp to some degree.

At one point on my way from the woods to the lodge, I found this beautiful, huge dragonfly sitting by a large puddle in the road. These guys are impossible to catch, but it's always fun to try, so I did. He didn't even try to go anywhere. I encouraged him to crawl onto my hand and walked for a bit with him. He was alive and didn't seem injured, so I couldn't quite figure out why he was so easy to catch. As we continued together, we got further into the clearing where the lodge was located. The steady droning of the cicadas became just a bit quieter and the dragonfly began to test his wings a bit. Eventually, he took off for parts unknown. To this day, I kinda figured the cicadas were giving him a headache and he just couldn't get his act together to fly away. Not particularly scientific, but seriously, it's easy to imagine how even the other insects are disturbed by the cacaphony. So finding this little guy today who was alive, but confused enough to let me catch him reminded me of camping long ago. I experienced another outbreak of 17-year-cicadas since then (not as spectacular in my view, but I didn't go camping in it). A reminder (especially when coupled with my birthday this weekend) that I'm getting up there in years.

Sadness

A friend of mine contacted me this weekend because she thought she was miscarrying. We've lent what support we could over the past few days and hope she and her husband were helped by what Dan and I said. Today, though, I found myself a little extra sad as I remembered my experience with our first little one and how it felt to lose him (we never found out sex, I just don't like to use "it"). I had trouble deciphering whether I felt sad because I was recalling our experience or whether I was sad at the joy that was stolen from our friends. I know when I got pregnant with Penny just a few short weeks after my miscarriage, I kept stopping myself from getting overjoyed because I was afraid I might lose another baby. I never allowed myself to get as overjoyed as I was when I discovered our first passenger. It pains me that someone else might have to go through that feeling of tentative, fearful joy.

I was really glad our friend reached out to us, though. I remember that one of the hardest parts was feeling SO alone and helpless. Sure, we were in England, far from family and friends. More importantly, I didn't know anyone who had gone through a miscarriage before (or so I thought). Shortly after the worst of the physical stuff, I called a family member who was a doctor for advice and got way more support than I expected since she had lost more than one little one. I was never so glad Dan forced me to make a phone call. When we had a chance to confirm our loss, I did not want to tell anyone. We hadn't told anyone we were pregnant, so way start with bad news? Again, Dan insisted and I am grateful to him. When we told our families the sad news, I found that miscarriage is fairly common, it is not my fault, and there were even more people I could have talked to. I found out I almost had an older sibling, among other revelations. Our family members were sad for us, but it felt better talking out our feelings. Over time, I felt ok enough with my grief to not keep the miscarriage a secret from people beyond family. Lots of women do keep it secret, so I wanted people to know I was a person willing to talk if they needed it. I am glad now again because maybe I have helped a friend somewhat with her fear and grief.

It's hard knowing what to say, though. It's such a deeply personal sadness, even when it is shared. I was talking to another friend today who had miscarried (sometimes a supporter needs support too) and we both agreed it took a while to heal emotionally. Penny came along quite soon after my miscarriage. It was tough getting excited at first, but as time passed and it looked like she'd hang around, her presence helped make the acute anguish go away. I still had a total panic attack at six or seven months when I didn't feel her squiggling for most of a day. I bottled it up and Dan AGAIN insisted we do something. When we finally got to the hospital and heard her heartbeat, she was fine and I was feeling better. At random moments I might think of our first little guy and get sad, but I have Penny to remind me that it doesn't happen every time and we have someone wonderful because we didn't get discouraged.

I am also incredibly grateful to have such a wonderful husband to go through all this with. In talking with other women about miscarriage, not everyone is as lucky as I am. Dan is an incredible emotional support for me: not because he's some kind of rock but because he knows and articulates what he's feeling, he reads my emotions really well and he knows when he needs to stop and take care of me. I don't like to deal with my emotions or show them in front of people, so these are really key skills. He refused to count the little guy out until I'd gone to see the doctor. He cried with me when we got to the point where we admitted we'd lost the baby and we had a prayer service for him. He knew something was not quite right with me that day when Penny didn't squiggle and turned around, came back in the house and asked me what was wrong, then insisted on going to the hospital instead of his study session. When he suggested that maybe I should be the one talking to our friend who miscarried, that seemed silly because he was the one who helped me get through it and I wouldn't deprive her of that support.

In any case, I feel blessed to have so many people there to support us then and now. And I am glad that our sad experience has equipped us to help our friends when they needed it.

Carriacou

Classes still haven't started so we still have a few more days of relaxation and exploration of our island home. Paired with this, some of our friends we made in Newcastle are visiting with their little girl. This combination seemed an excellent excuse to do some wider adventures. So at 7:30am, we caught a local bus to the Carenage (bay near St. George) to take a ferry to Carriacou. Grenada the country is made up of three main islands: Grenada, Carriacou and Petite Martinique. So far, we've pretty much stuck to Grenada. The bus was more timely than anticipated, so we had fun walking around the Carenage, gazing at the myriad wildlife just below the surface of the water. We spied an eel, black spotty crabs, sea urchins, tons of different fish, even a pair of squid.

The "fast" ferry is a 90-minute morning thrill ride along the western side of Grenada, a bit of open sea and then up to Carriacou. Here you can see us as the journey begins -- relatively calm seas because the island of Grenada is between us and the winds coming off the Atlantic. Richard and his daughter Evie (our visitors from Newcastle) are in the first picture, then Maria, Matt and Louise (Richard's wife). We had a great time watching the coastline from the viewing deck up top. We could see all the jagged, forested hillsides dotted with tiny plywood houses. It was a little tough keeping our footing, so I sat with Penny while everyone else took periodic trips to the rail. Dan spotted a flying fish or two and tried to capture them on film, but I can't quite spot them.

Then we got past Grenada and the fun really began. There were decent swells and the boat felt like it caught air quite a few times. There was that momentary weightlessness of a roller coaster just after the peak. It wasn't too too bad, but then there got to be some lateral moves as well. This part should have been short as we passed a series of smaller islands as well, so they should have shielded us from the big waves, but it still seemed pretty rough. We were doing well for a while, but the sea eventually got the best of us. Pale faces preceded some disgusting displays (which was probably unpleasant for the folks on the glass-enclosed floor below). One person even managed to puke right on the head of another person, though the recipient took it remarkably well. We were very happy to finally reach the shore, where a conveniently located beach served as a quick place to rinse various soiled garments.

After briefly hanging out on the beach to allow our stomachs to settle, gather some beautiful seashells, and purchase some dramamine, we headed to the interior on a driving tour with a local taxi driver. He took us to the local hospital - located at the top of a hill so they could circulate air through the hospital better (without use of air conditioning). So the local hospital had this spectacular view of Hillsborough, the island's capital, and the bay where we arrived.

We saw some old sugar mills (you can see one pictured on Dan's shirt), abandoned plantations, current schools, lots of reefs offshore and plenty of local sheep. You'll notice that local sheep look very different from sheep back home or in Newcastle.

The main attraction to Carriacou, which means "many reefs," is the snorkling and scuba diving, but also the more rustic nature of the island. With two folks under two years old in tow, we didn't plan on much underwater excitement. However, our 30 minutes on Paradise Beach were action packed as Richie captured a starfish the size of a dinner plate to show everyone. We also had a lovely view of Sandy Island (the low pale strip on the horizon here), which helps keep the water in the bay nice and calm. After everyone had a chance to enjoy the monster starfish and a refreshing dip, we returned the wildlife to the bay and piled into the taxi to return to the ferry.

Properly medicated, we headed back to Grenada. The sea was much calmer this time and we decided we'd try sitting in the glassed in deck in hopes of not moving quite so much. Penny had a blast crawling all over the luggage, ripping off the shipping labels on packages and jumping on Mommy's tummy. As you can imagine, none of these went over too well. As we approached St. George, I gathered her up and walked to the front of the boat. She had a blast and a half facing into the racing wind, sort of like that scene in Titanic. So despite the rough beginning, we had a great visit to Carriacou and we continue to have fun not having too full a schedule. It's hard to believe it will only be four more months until we get to head home!

The One that Got Away

Whew! After a 6am to 10pm series of flights and airport time (sadly, no spare seat for Penny again), we made it back to our little piece of Caribbean paradise. I haven't quite caught up on sleep yet, but I'm getting there. We got to say hello to some friends visiting from England on Saturday. We spent much of the afternoon snorkling at a place called Aquarium. It's the first time I've seen fish while snorkling and my first time snorkling here in Grenada. It was pretty darned cool. And really a great sign of my arm's recovery because I was able to breast stroke for a decent amount of time. Don't panic, I didn't have to go out too far to see spiffy wildlife, so the risk of drifting out to sea was minimal (it did cross my mind, though).

Then on Monday we went fishing with Brent and Celeste. Penny spotted good schools of prey while Daddy and Brent cast into the middle of them. Celeste was "forkling" - a new hybrid gamefishing strategy where she goes snorkling to find her intended target, then uses a short line to snare them. We came back empty handed, but still feasted on delicious meatball stew at the end of the day.

Now, that's not to say we didn't catch anything...Dan is our fishing rookie, so Brent instructed him how to cast. I started out with a pole and Brent watched Penny on the dock. When I started getting some nibbles, I called Dan over so he could feel what nibbles feel like. He took over my pole, detected the nibbles as I explained how nibbles differ from a solid bite and then what to do. An excellent student, he promptly had a bite and whipped that fishy out of the water. Brent was fast on the draw and began the hook extraction process while I took over watching Penny. Dan's prey was a slick stripy character (perhaps with a prison record) and after a brief struggle squirmed free of Brent's grasp. As he flopped wildly along the planks, Brent made grab after grab to recapture him, to no avail. Penny and I watched dumbfounded as the fish flopped its way toward us. Thanks to Brent's quick thinking, the fish was finally safely returned to the water. It's too bad, though, because not only was the fish pretty, Brent said it was one of the biggest snagged on their poles. Sadly, with all the excitement, I didn't get a chance to snap a pic of any of this process. I did get a picture of this fascinating crab with painted blue fingernails, though!