One of my ongoing stresses in pregnancy has been finding a hospital and care provider that would give me anything mildly resembling the experience I had delivering Penny in England. In England, the default was for my checkups to be done with midwives and delivery in hospital to be handled by midwives. OBs are only called in upon request, for high risk or when something has already gone wrong. When I go to the hospital, I was asked what position I felt comfy in- birthing ball, chair, floor, squatting, bed, whatever I wanted- and they'd supply that setup. I chose hands and knees on floor. Since Penny was already crowning, there wasn't much chance for an epidural, but lots of other options were pushed rather than that so the mom could be mobile.
Here in the US, when I described being on hands and knees on the floor, it was instant shut down from every care provider I talked to. The floor is dirty- no duh, they didn't have me down on the linoleum! Having gone to see a high risk doctor, some midwives wouldn't even consider taking me on because they ONLY deal with low risk deliveries. Most midwives here seem to do home deliveries or simply assist with ye standard in a bed deliveries.
I really wanted to stay on Staten Island for delivery since Penny seemed pretty fast, but my hospital options were limited (two hospitals). The rooms in my nearest hospital were so small, Dan would have had to stand through the whole delivery because there was no room beside the bed for a chair, let alone room for me to walk. The doctor I was seeing didn't work at the other one, plus I don't feel like going back to where we lost Augustine - not that it was their fault, but the big delivery room is exactly the room where I delivered last time. Plus I don't want to risk running into the less than stellar bedside manner of my former care providers in that scene.
So I broadened my search to Brooklyn. I emailed the one- uno- free standing birth center in the city to see if they knew someone who would give me their style of delivery in a hospital setting. The birth center makes me a little nervous because I want to be able to shout and get an OB. There, you have to drive yourself to the hospital if things aren't going to plan. They were kind enough to refer me to two midwife practices- one that takes my insurance and another that will work out an out of pocket payment plan for delivery costs (that doesn't include all the hospital and other peripheral costs). Since we're not made of money I went to the one who takes our insurance.
The midwife I met with seems very reasonable and nice. She didn't listen much, but tried to provide an overview of their experience and philosophy. Their practice has worked at NY Methodist Hospital for around two decades. When they're not being midwives, they're labor and delivery nurses at this hospital, so they're well-integrated into the culture there. They know which staff mmatch their philosophy and which to avoid. They consult on cases like mine with the chief of labor and delivery, so they've got reliable backup in case something comes up. They reviewed my history before they agreed to take me on. The major condition they imposed was that I had to go on baby aspirin immediately. I'm not thrilled about that because there are potential risks, especially later on, but it's minimally invasive as things go.
I get to go for lots of regular sonograms to check fluid levels and growth, but that likely would have been true for whoever I saw from this point in the pregnancy. Just stuff to be on the safe side. It cuts into reserving my time to spend with the baby when she comes, which is frustrating. I don’t have much to begin with. But what can I do? I'm back in the US where our system doesn't value having parents raise kids instead of daycare doing it. I've already been told that I can't exceed three months off, even with unpaid leave. Bit of a ripoff, if you ask me. Especially since a coworker got unpaid leave so she could stay with her baby for six months. Not sure why I get the shaft. Maybe when the HR director gets back from her month long vacation I can ask her.
So I've at least found care providers who seem aligned with what I want and potentially a hospital I can live with. I haven't figured out when to leave work or how long because it all seems to short compared to the time I had with penny. I can't fathom commuting to Brooklyn with a little one at home who's not sleeping through the night. Not to mention that my commute is so long i'd have to feed or pump immediately on either end of it. Something about the whole process seems very wrong indeed. Why is our system so designed to make women miserable? Why can't I have the fulfillment of gainful employment AND of taking a bit of time off to welcome a new family member?
Here in the US, when I described being on hands and knees on the floor, it was instant shut down from every care provider I talked to. The floor is dirty- no duh, they didn't have me down on the linoleum! Having gone to see a high risk doctor, some midwives wouldn't even consider taking me on because they ONLY deal with low risk deliveries. Most midwives here seem to do home deliveries or simply assist with ye standard in a bed deliveries.
I really wanted to stay on Staten Island for delivery since Penny seemed pretty fast, but my hospital options were limited (two hospitals). The rooms in my nearest hospital were so small, Dan would have had to stand through the whole delivery because there was no room beside the bed for a chair, let alone room for me to walk. The doctor I was seeing didn't work at the other one, plus I don't feel like going back to where we lost Augustine - not that it was their fault, but the big delivery room is exactly the room where I delivered last time. Plus I don't want to risk running into the less than stellar bedside manner of my former care providers in that scene.
So I broadened my search to Brooklyn. I emailed the one- uno- free standing birth center in the city to see if they knew someone who would give me their style of delivery in a hospital setting. The birth center makes me a little nervous because I want to be able to shout and get an OB. There, you have to drive yourself to the hospital if things aren't going to plan. They were kind enough to refer me to two midwife practices- one that takes my insurance and another that will work out an out of pocket payment plan for delivery costs (that doesn't include all the hospital and other peripheral costs). Since we're not made of money I went to the one who takes our insurance.
The midwife I met with seems very reasonable and nice. She didn't listen much, but tried to provide an overview of their experience and philosophy. Their practice has worked at NY Methodist Hospital for around two decades. When they're not being midwives, they're labor and delivery nurses at this hospital, so they're well-integrated into the culture there. They know which staff mmatch their philosophy and which to avoid. They consult on cases like mine with the chief of labor and delivery, so they've got reliable backup in case something comes up. They reviewed my history before they agreed to take me on. The major condition they imposed was that I had to go on baby aspirin immediately. I'm not thrilled about that because there are potential risks, especially later on, but it's minimally invasive as things go.
I get to go for lots of regular sonograms to check fluid levels and growth, but that likely would have been true for whoever I saw from this point in the pregnancy. Just stuff to be on the safe side. It cuts into reserving my time to spend with the baby when she comes, which is frustrating. I don’t have much to begin with. But what can I do? I'm back in the US where our system doesn't value having parents raise kids instead of daycare doing it. I've already been told that I can't exceed three months off, even with unpaid leave. Bit of a ripoff, if you ask me. Especially since a coworker got unpaid leave so she could stay with her baby for six months. Not sure why I get the shaft. Maybe when the HR director gets back from her month long vacation I can ask her.
So I've at least found care providers who seem aligned with what I want and potentially a hospital I can live with. I haven't figured out when to leave work or how long because it all seems to short compared to the time I had with penny. I can't fathom commuting to Brooklyn with a little one at home who's not sleeping through the night. Not to mention that my commute is so long i'd have to feed or pump immediately on either end of it. Something about the whole process seems very wrong indeed. Why is our system so designed to make women miserable? Why can't I have the fulfillment of gainful employment AND of taking a bit of time off to welcome a new family member?
posted from Bloggeroid
2 comments:
Sigh... I feel your pain, Sandy. After I had Noah I had to burn all my sick and vacation hours as part of my mere 6wks off at 60% pay. I tried to get approved for the Family Medical Leave Act, but it only applies to people with over a year with the company. I was lucky enough to have Vita show up and take over watching Noah for me, but it's just sad. Being in Europe and seeing how much different the system is (a year off paid, breastfeeding leave, nationally funded doulas) only makes me angrier about it. We went the wrong way with our feminist movement in America. We pushed to be treated as equals instead of embracing and celebrating our womanhood. We aren't equal! We're different and it's supposed to be that way. I'm glad you at least found someplace that will allow you to be more in charge of this delivery. I hope you have a great experience!
Glad you found someone you are more comfortable with, Sandy. I too struggled with the maternity leave thing, especially since the year prior we were required to use all our vacation time aside from a mere 40 hours! Luckily I didn't have her until late August, so that gave me time to build up a little more, but now she is a year old and I am still over a week IN THE HOLE with sick leave. I was able to work out a modified maternity plan under FMLA (I worked part time until she was 5 months old, unpaid for the hours I wasn't working). We are lucky Scott is able to stay home with her, but we've gone into more debt because of it. But we knew that we would and we decided early on that it was worth it. He's now going to start working a part time night job, which should help.
Anyway, I feel your pain. If nothing else, they should offer us up to a year unpaid leave if we want to take it. I know it still costs them, but it wouldn't cost much, and it would be nice to have the option.
My company started a paid maternity leave this year, go figure. After I had to go into the hole like that. sigh. At least they're doing it now!
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